The Adoption Journey Begins

Now that you have the brief overview of the last 12 years, let's bring you up to speed to this adoption story (the reason I named the blog "Normalize Adoption"). In early 2022, the 'relationship' we tried to salvage by getting married collapsed under the weight of continued lies and misaligned hopes and beliefs. We separated - him with his two children, and me with my one. Over the next four months, we still got the kids together, met up 'just us' without them; we talked and texted all the time. While trying to scavenge any piece of what I had poured myself into for years, I found myself waking alone (after a night he'd promised to come over) and wondering when the last time I had my period was. Yup ... That test told me instantly "someone else is having a baby." I knew it immediately; somewhere out there - a family longing for a baby has had their wish granted. Now, immediately - this is where the explaining begins. My ex and I were both "trapped" into being single parents. We had each spent over a decade raising our kids to the level of self-sufficiency where they could be left alone and trusted. We had sacrificed, separately and together, and had promised there would be no more babies. So, when I saw that test - I didn't need a minute - I didn't sit on the edge of the tub and relearn how to take a breath... I prayed that God would let me know when I had found this baby's family - and for the pregnancy itself to be a healthy one. That day, a Sunday, I went to Mass and listened to the reading about how we Gentiles are adopted children of God - and the homily reminded us that God the Father loves all His children and has plans to give each of us a life of abundance. I pulled my friend aside after, and told her that I was pregnant and would be giving the baby up for adoption. She was supportive and encouraging - and promised to keep my secret until I was ready to tell. She even mentioned a local family she knew who were longing for a child...so many families out there looking for children... I drove to a pharmacy (in the city - not in my small, rural town), and discussed my age (41!!!!!) and which prenatal vitamin would be best for this "Geriatric Pregnancy." I told the pharmacist that this would be an adoption - and she teared up and said she was proud of me. I laughed it off - as I would for the next 9 months whenever someone was kind in their response to this news. "I'm not a hero or a surrogate! I just got knocked up and don't believe in murdering babies!" On my way to the bookstore to buy a copy of What to Expect When You Are Expecting, I called my ex. I told him I didn't mean for it to happen, and that I wholeheartedly intended to give the baby up for adoption - to someone far away from our social circles, as long as he was okay with keeping to our 'no more babies' vow. He thanked me for staying with the plan, and told me he would sign whatever I needed him to sign - whenever that time came. Acceptance, of the pregnancy and of the adoption plan, FOR ME was nearly instantaneous. But - the journey was just beginning...